If you have been reading my blog for any length of time, you know I avoid talking too much about my kids and life as a mom unless I just don’t have anything else to talk about. I am not ashamed of being a mom, but there are so many other mom blogs out there that I feel that, most of the time, there isn’t much for me to add that is meaningful and different.
Today, however, I feel the need to say something.
I was reading another mom website earlier this morning and this website tends more to find the humor in every day mom/parent/wife shit and not sugar coat the whole Mom Experience. Many people are not happy with this because they want the sugar coated “Everything is great!” “It’s so rewarding!” “It is the only purpose in life!” Mommy Experience stories (in case you haven’t figured out, I am not of that mind).
This is fine. If you want those feel good stories, there are always places that have plenty of those. Sometimes you just need a feel good story to reaffirm your own position.
However, some of us had/are having a tough go of this parenting shtick. We need to hear war stories from those moms who have been through the shit and came out on the other side to let us know that we, too, will make it out on the other side. We need those stories people are scared to tell new moms or still child free parents because they might turn them off from having kids so we will know that we aren’t alone. That it isn’t just us, all kids are assholes, not just ours and so we aren’t doing anything wrong.
Which brings me to my point. There was this one article where a mom was telling of all the shitty things that happen to all of us (getting up half a dozen time in the middle of the night, diaper blow outs on long road trips, etc.) and how a mom and a dad need to be a team in dealing with them in order to make the marriage, and ultimately family, stronger. Someone commented that they not only didn’t like the story, but that they didn’t like the website anymore and how said site needed to put more “inspiring” stories on it because her kids were her life and redemption and fulfillment, etc, etc. and how it shouldn’t talk about the “bad stuff” (of course I a paraphrasing here).
All I could think was that there are plenty other “inspiring” websites out there for the kinds of stories she wanted. The whole world is full of those stories. The kind that only talk about how rewarding it is to be a mother. The kind that tells women how it is oh so fulfilling. The kind that don’t talk about what it is really like when you feel like your marriage is falling apart because this little, tiny helpless person is just so fucking needy that you really don’t want anyone touching you when you finally get him or her in bed.
There are plenty of places to find the shiny stories.
Some of us need the war stories. The scary stories. The stories of families (yes, everyone suffers) who experienced PPD and lived. The stories of how to take care of yourself, your spouse AND your kids when the shit is thick. Some women need the stories of how we screamed at our kids and didn’t feel shame for it for whatever reason. We need to hear about the fantasies that other moms had of running away and how they managed to stay grounded and become good moms in spite of it all. They need to hear stories and advice of how to take care of the marriage as well as taking care of the kids. They need the survival stories.
Some moms need those not-so-shiny stories.
Some moms need to know they aren’t alone.
Not every mom becomes a mom that is fulfilled and happy and vibrant. Not every mom enjoys being a mom. Not every mom loves every second of it. If you don’t want to hear/read the war stories, that is fine, but don’t bitch about those who share their stories. They could be helping a mom through their own shit come out the other side whole.