I got up today to a FB message from a friend. She is a new mom and wrote to me to vent about typical new mom/newly married things. I wrote a long message back with what I have learned over the years. She wrote back to me, talking about how her hubs won’t help around the house. She says his “dirty” thresh-hold is much higher than hers and it drives her crazy. She freely admitted she knew this when she married him, but like everyone else in the history of the world, at the time you don’t realize it is a big deal…until you are under stress – like parenting. Like a lot of women, most of the chores and child-care fall to her. All she wants is a little help.
While she is telling me her story, I think back to my own. I have to wonder if it is a man thing since it does seem to be cliche. This also made me laugh at both of our situations. My husband is a slob as well. Now, I am not the cleanest person in the house…especially since the kids arrived. I just get overwhelmed trying to keep everything spic and span and so I just don’t. I do clean some…clothes for work and school are washed (much easier now we have our own washer) and dishes are done. Everything else waits until I get around to it.
However, at any given day there is a collection of glasses, coffee cup and/or empty soda cans by DH’s side of the bed or his desk. I am not innocent, I do it as well. However, I try not to have more than one at any given time (with the exception of soda cans, though I do try to keep those to a minimum).
As I am relating all this to my friend, I tell her about how DH’s biggest offense is not taking out the trash. While he does remember on a regular basis, every now and again he will forget…a lot. This chore was especially important when we were in the apartments. I was too short to get our trash bags into the dumpsters…he HAD to do it because I couldn’t. I used to have to put the bags in front of the door so he would see it going out for work and, in theory, remember to take it out. His response would be to simply move it out of the way. There was one time I even put multiple bags he kept forgetting to take out in front of the door…flies buzzing around…he moved them out of the way. All of them.
I am not saying this to put Hubs on the spot. Really, I have accepted all this as quirks and have chosen to take it all in stride…just like my own quirks that he takes in stride from me. I am saying this because at the time…I was FURIOUS with him. Didn’t he know that I couldn’t take it out myself?
Now, it’s funny. I find myself laughing out loud in my retelling of the stories to my friend. I know that is 10yrs she will be laughing at herself too. Yea, you want to scream at the time and whack them in the face with a 2×4, but in the grand scheme of things it isn’t so bad. I had a horrible marriage before. He was worse than lazy. He was emotionally/mentally abusive. If I had to choose between soda cans piled up and abuse. You better believe I would go with the soda cans.
I don’t want to leave this post with everyone thinking Hubs is a lazy ass. He really isn’t. He works all day, sometimes long hours and away from home. Yet, he sill took care of the kids, changed diapers and gave bottles. Gets up in the middle of the night to see about a nightmare or to give medicine. He will unload the dishwasher and reload it on occasion as well as put in a load of laundry. He often helps me clean up anything else in the house (usually something the kids did). He just over looks the soda cans, drinking glasses, cups and trash on occasion.
And, well, I think we all have a right to over look those now and again.