What’s the hold up?

A very long time ago, my ex-husband and I took pity on our next door neighbor and let her and her 2 sons stay with us for a while.  She was a divorced mom who had lost her job and was being evicted from her apartment.  It was just us two in our 2 bedroom apartment so we let her stay with the idea that she was actively looking for a job.

One day, she we were making small talk and she told me that when she got the eviction notice she prayed to God to help her.  She continued saying she heard a voice tell her to write out all her bills and debts and that they would be taken care of.  She told me that God was going to pay her bills for her.

After more than 2 months she came to me and told me that she was offered a job at a summer camp.  She said she wasn’t going to take it because it was only temporary.  She also said that her husband offered to take her kids for a while until she got back on her feet.  She refused to let him take the kids even for a few days during the week.  That is when I knew that she was serious about God paying her bills.  I really think that she though God was going to send her a check in the mail.  She was going to wait for the check from God, even if it meant her and her children were living under a bridge.

One of the most profound saying in the Buddhist world is “to change your world, change yourself.”  It is pretty cut and dry on the meaning. Like Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world”, nothing is going to change if you don’t first change yourself.

I was once told that once you start changing yourself and your perspective on life and the world and become more enlightened, your world will begin to change.  Enlightened beings will begin to come into your life and all those others that may be toxic or have nothing more to teach you about this life will fall away.  I have found this to be true in that a great many people have left my life one way or another. Many just fell away and slowing disappeared into my past as I have changed my world view.

So, I have to ask myself where are all the enlightened beings that were supposed to show up?  I have to believe it is something with me.  Not that I am blaming myself, per se, but obviously I am not doing what is needed to attract those kind of people. What is the hold up?

I know, that ultimately it is my own doing.  I could come up with a thousand excuses for not putting myself out there, the top of which is being a SAHM with no car during the day.  However, in the end it is my own fault for not meeting people or giving the Universe the opportunity to bring those enlightened beings to me.  Like the neighbor mentioned above, I can’t wait to have something delivered to me.  I have to get out there and see what doors are open to me.  With that said, I do own that decision to not see what doors are open.  Sometimes the old shoe is really comfy and not easily left behind.  I am ok with it.  For now anyway.


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