As I sit here at my computer, day after day trying to think of things to blog about, the one thing that my mind continues to wander to is the end of August. This is when my son will start his career as a school student.
While I try very hard to not just be another mommy blogger, my life is so much more encompassing than “mom” – there are times where I just can’t help myself.
This school thing really, really bothers me.
On the one hand I am totally excited for him. Meeting new people and learning new things. Making friends and actually being able to invite kids to parties and not just family adults. This really gets me excited to see the world through his eyes as he learns about it. I’m stoked!
On the other hand…it breaks my heart. For 5+ years (minus the 4 days I was in the hospital with Podling) we have been inseparable. He has always been there in the morning when I get up. Always there when I go to sleep. Whenever I need a hug I can just get one.
Now. He is growing up. On the first step towards learning to fly. I know that I still have quite a few years left of him being home, but that is really no consolation. The past 5 years have blown by. How fast are the next 12 going to?
Don’t get me wrong. I look forward to one on one time with Podling. Babyhead had me to himself for 3 years before she was born, now it is her turn. I will have about 3 years with her before she starts school. I also look forward to having a little bit of breathing room and being able to do things like go to the bathroom with out 2 kids in there with me or going to the laundry room and only having to worry about where one is at.
Even so, I still find myself tearing up at the smallest thought of him going to school. I am lucky in that the school is literally next door to us. It isn’t like he is going far…but he won’t need me there. He will forget about me for a few moments in time and I hate that thought. I will no longer be quite the center of his universe.
I keep thinking that from here on out he will slowly be pulling away from me towards his own independence and destiny. That in just a few short years he will have more important things to do than sit around with me or snuggle in the bed in the morning.
Before I know it he will be a teenager with a life of his own and will leave precious little room for me. I can see it in my mind’s eye how I will have to bargain for family time and just a few hours of his time.
It just seems that school will just accelerate the growing up process and before we can take a breath in between ball games and girlfriends he will be in college and on his own.
I guess I can only hope that the time he did spend with me made a difference. That I will have taught him something that he can carry with him and hope that I can continue to help him grow into the adult he is meant to be.
While I know in my heart he will be fine, it is still hard to let go.