I realize that there are a lot of people in the world that feel they have the right to tell others what they should or shouldn’t do with their fertility. I also realize (first hand) that there are a lot of people that feel it is their solemn duty to badger you into having children even if you have already stated that you didn’t want any (when I was in the hospital with Podling the ILs were already asking about a third even though they new I had a tubal!).
I am not one of those people. Parenting is a hard enough job for those who truly want the experience, I couldn’t imagine having to take care of a child(ren) if I was badgered into it because someone thought it should be the thing I should do. I have had people automatically get defensive with me when they talk about not having kids before they realize I am on their side. If you don’t want kids…that is fine. You won’t miss what you don’t know and it isn’t like you can take them back for a refund if you decide you don’t like it.
However, after having a bad few weeks and then a horrid early morning, I have started thinking about reasons not to have kids. These are things I have experienced recently and though I love my kids more than life and would walk through fire for them…there are just some things that will never be appealing. If you are thinking of having kids because someone said you need to, read the following and see if you can deal with it.
- If the baby is up, you are up…even if it is 1am and you have only had 15 minutes of sleep. Podling had a tummy ache last night…right as I got into a good sleep state. I guess I have been asleep for about 3 hours. I have been up ever since. I am grumpy. I like my sleep. This sucks. When Babyhead was born I was lucky to get 15 minutes sleep every 3 hours. That is about the time it was between feeding him, changing him, getting him down to sleep then relaxed enough to sleep myself.
- When your kids are sick, chances are YOU are going to get sick no matter what you do. They will sneeze on you. They will cough on you. They will drool on you. They may even vomit on you. And you will.be.sick. And remember, parents don’t get sick days. See rule 1.
- Which brings us to number three…you are the one that has to clean up sick mess. This includes vomit, diarrhea and nasty snot. I spent the better part of last week scraping boogers off of Podling’s face and nose so she could half breath. Babyhead also decided to get really really upset after eating a ham sandwich and throw up all over the floor.
- Kids scream. They scream because they are scared. They scream because they are happy. They scream because they are heartbroken. They scream because they are mad. They scream over a single lost M&M or an injury that requires the ER. They are indiscriminate screamers. Sometimes they scream just to hear themselves scream…even in the middle of the grocery store.
- Two words. Potty Training. You think you are doing good because they aren’t in diapers? Chances are you still have to wipe their butts.
- Two more words…Toy Commercials. Even if they are the shittiest toy ever, your kid is going to want it then proceed to reason 4 above.
- Very little “alone time” with your significant other. There is a reason it is usually the boyfriend or even husband that abuses and kills kids…because they feel displaced, jealous and unloved because of the attention they require from the mothers. That means that it is very difficult to get in the mood with a screaming kid. I have a theory that kids have radars for this sort of thing and they always wait for that moment to decide to poop all over the place, puke all over the place, or be injured. If your relationship isn’t very strong to being with and you really didn’t want kids to being with…it can be a deal breaker. It seems petty…but it isn’t. You can’t feel that close to someone who can’t even give you 5 minutes for a back rub if s/he is always having to deal with the kid(s).
- Having one kid won’t stop people from telling you that you need to have a kid. It is like giving an inch and taking a mile…they will want you to have 2 or 3 or more. And again, you can’t take them back for refunds.
- People think you are having the kids for them and will get angry if you don’t do what they want you to do…even if it means your sanity. My ILs were furious that I wanted them to leave WHILE I WAS STILL IN THE HOSPITAL with my son, then were mad because I didn’t want them over for a while after we got home. I had just had surgery…but my needs were never considered. With my daughter, I banned them from the hospital all together except on the day she was delivered and again no one was allowed over. Again, I had MAJOR SURGERY…but I was called “selfish” (to my face no less) for wanting some peace and quiet so we could all adjust and I could heal.
- Your home is no longer your own. Now, I know a lot of people that make sure their house is clean and that their kids have to put away a toy before they get another one (and I am talking extreme here…the kind of ppl with white carpet all through the house). I think it stifles play somewhat to be over strict on stuff like that not to mention making you completely insane. However, I don’t think that is fair really. DH and I don’t do that…we get something out, rarely does it go right back when we are done with it. Therefore, I don’t expect it of my kids to do the same, though I do make him put away things before dragging a bunch of other stuff out. He can play with all of his cars at once…but he has to put them back before he drags out all his action figures…trust me he has plenty. My apartment is in a perpetual state of disarray because of toys. Not to mention the fact that things have to be put up and away so the baby can’t get to them….you can put up gates like we did…then you trip over them…like I did, and injure yourself. It is a good long time before your home will resembled the home you wanted and not one that looks like a giant playroom. Unless you are one of those anal people I mentioned above. In which case you will be in a constant state of stress for a clean house and your kids will be miserable because they aren’t being allowed some playtime freedom.
- A lot less freedom. Before we had Babyhead, we would go to the movies or out to eat on a whim. Now it requires planning…do we have diapers? Cups? Something for the baby to eat? Extra clothes for the baby in case of a poop accident? At they acting in a way that we could take them out? Does the place we want to eat have things for kids? Is it kid friendly? Do we have the money??
If anyone else has any more reasons…post them below. Anything is up for grabs, just be nice about it.