Too much on my mind…

A friend of mine that I found again on Facebook had sent out a status message that she was doing a walk for the March of Dimes this past weekend for a particular child.  I sent her a message to ask who this child was as she had yet to mention him to me (we haven’t seen each other since my freshman year in high school I believe so her life from them to now is all new). She said that in 2004 she lost a baby at 30 weeks.  She went into labor and the dr gave her meds, but that eventually he was born to early and died in the NICU.

It just made me realize how lucky DH and I really are.  She would be the 2nd friend to have lost a baby that we know and of course that doesn’t count in the number of friends who have had miscarriages.  It breaks my heart to hear their stories.

It also makes me love my kids more.  We never had a miscarriage that we knew of.  We didn’t lose any babies.  Though we almost did with Podling, we still made out pretty good without any adverse effects of my complications.  I find myself being thankful for my experiences, even if they were far less than ideal.

While sometimes I wish I could have a day without being needed by someone or constantly being touched or any other of the dozen jobs that comes with motherhood…I never wish I could get rid of my children.  I am always glad they are here and I wouldn’t know what to do with myself if they weren’t and just hearing about my friends’ experiences just make me want to cry and hug my kids.

It also makes me glad I we decided not to have anymore…I just don’t know if I could take the chance again…



Filed under Family, Kids, Motherhood

2 responses to “Too much on my mind…

  1. I lost a baby in utero at 7 months, and it was an incredibly horrendous experience. Bear in mind, this was over 20 years ago, and pregnant women were treated differently by the medical profession at that time.

    I didn’t go into labor at all, I just found out at an OB appointment that the baby no longer had a heartbeat. The doctor actually had me walking around for weeks knowing I was carrying a dead baby, waiting for me to go into labor because he felt it was too dangerous to induce. Other doctors refused to do it as well, citing the same reasoning. I never did go into labor, so eventually they had no choice.

    I never even got to see my child, the doctor had the poor little baby taken away immediately because she thought it would be too traumatic for me to see it. Well, it couldn’t possibly be any more traumatic than knowingly carrying around a dead baby in my uterus for weeks. Asshole doctors.

    • I have heard of that Elf…making women carry around the babies after they died. I don’t think they do that anymore, the birthing industry has changed a lot just in the last few years. I think I would have been hysterical though…crazy.

      I am soo sorry to hear that though! It breaks my heart and they didn’t even give you a chance to say good bye. Why do doctors think we women are soo fragile we can’t deal with these things? G*d D*mmit if we were that fragile we wouldn’t have a uterus to begin with.

      Thank you for sharing your story. *hugs*