She was in a comatose state for many years. She didn’t know where or who she was. She had a feeding tube. It was what she wanted, I know, and it was for the best. But it is hard to think of her not being in the world anymore. I guess there was always a hope she would wake up, even though there were never any signs.
There are so many things that I wish for…I wish she would have been coherent long enough for me to ask questions. I wish I had been closer to her. I wish I had been smart enough when I was younger to pay more attention to her. I wish…
A few years back, before I moved up North, I met with my grandmother at my Aunt’s house. My Aunt was taking care of her so she wouldn’t have to live in a nursing home. Granny was already at the point where dementia was starting to kick in. She thought I was my cousin the whole time I was there.
At one point my aunt and mom went to pick up some KFC and I stayed with Granny. Granny turned to me and said, “I’m tired. I have been on this world a long time.” I knew then she was ready to go. She had been 25 years (at that point) without her husband. Most of her other family had died long before. Being a Christian woman, she was ready to meet them on the other side.
I was angry when one of my Aunts put her on a feeding tube. Granny had a DNR and my aunt didn’t read the paperwork properly and let them put it in. Of course, it is much easier to put one in than take one out. I was angry because I knew that she wanted to go. I knew, because she told me.
I had a dream quite a few months ago, maybe a year. Granny and I were in a building in a waiting area and there was a pay phone. A lot of people were waiting there. Granny called on the phone to be picked up. Then we sat down and waited. A man would come in periodically and call someone’s name. He was a truck driver sort with a red ball hat on. I understood in my dream that he was a cab driver.
One by one people would come in and leave. Granny got mad because there were a lot of people there that came in well after her that got called. She went to the pay phone and asked why she wasn’t called yet. I told her to be patient. Maybe these people had called before her. Just be patient. I woke up and immediately knew what the dream was about. I silently told her to be patient, her time would come soon enough.
Her patience has paid off. The man finally came for her and took her to her family that was long gone. I know she is happy now.
And while I am sad she is gone, I am happy for her too.
God looked around his Garden and found an empty place.
He then looked down upon his earth and saw your loving face.
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest.
His Garden must be beautiful, he always takes the best.
He knew that you were suffering, he knew you were in pain.
And knew that you would never get well on earth again.
He saw your path was difficult, he closed your tired eyes,
He whispered to you “Peace be Thine” and gave you wings to fly.
When we saw you sleeping so calm and free of pain,
We would not wish you back to earth to suffer once again.
You’ve left us precious memories, your love will be our guide,
You live on through your children, you’re always by our side.
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you did not go alone.
For part of us went with you on the day God called you home.