Wow. 2016 has really thrown me for a loopy loop. I had soo many deaths in my family this year and then some of my classes were less than stellar. I finally feel like I can half breathe again. I am still struggling with my mom’s death from March. I am having issues with other members of my family as well that just have me so pissed off… Have you ever been so pissed off at someone that you don’t even want to see their name, even if it isn’t THEIR name? Yea.
I finished my last workshop class, had another class and now I am in my capstone class. This has me seriously anxious. I never really felt like my writing was worth much, but now I have to prove that it is. How can you prove it when you don’t believe it…just in time for Turkey Day? I am also working on NaNoWriMo this year. I am wondering if I am biting off more than I can chew, but life goes and I feel like I need to be writing something, anything, even if it is bad.
Anyway, hopefully things will settle and I will only have one crisis at a time and I can start writing here and at Uncombed Cats again. Here’s to hoping!
My class this term is a writing workshop. This means I get to write stories and have other people tell me what is wrong with them. Last week was my first story to submit. I chose a character from a larger work I am writing. A character that is very important and real to me. I immediately regretted choosing a story to write about her. I had a tremendous amount of anxiety and struggled all last week to get the story written, cursing myself the entire time.
This character is a little like my baby, I don’t want people talking shit about her. It terrifies me that someone will ‘steal’ her and ruin her story and so I have kept her carefully locked away and only showing her story to my most trusted friends.
Submitting her story to complete strangers made me sick.
Physically, I was sick. I had a migraine leading up to submission, I didn’t eat last week. I really, really regretted choosing her! However, I think that I HAD to chose her. I think she was pissed (yes, she speaks to me) that I haven’t written about her for a while and she wanted to be in the spotlight once again.
The problem with this is that she has a lot to say. A lot. My assignment was less than 10 pages (6-8 were the limits) but the more I wrote the more pages kept on and on and on. At 8 pages I still hadn’t gotten to the climax of the story. I had to sit down with her and tell her that I have to cut this story and had her help me figure out what were the important parts. I managed a little over 9 pages for my draft that I submitted. I was sick at my stomach when I did it. I almost cried that night.
I just got my grade and first student critique today.
It wasn’t so bad. I do have to say some of the things the student critique had were a little nit-picky or didn’t make sense, yet I can appreciate that the person was probably like me and trying to find things to talk about (there had to be 2 to 3 comments per page) for their own grade.
My instructor offered good feedback, for once! Instructors I had before didn’t really offer anything helpful, so this was a pleasant surprise! I think I can take this feedback and rewrite some stuff to make the story better. I was able to actually breathe when I read the comments.
What does this mean for the future? I will still get sick when I submit anything. However, I don’t think I will worry so much about it being bad. I think I may be able to write worthwhile stories after all.
I am posting this message to ask for help on a personal project. I would ask those of you who are willing to use the form below and tell me some things that you were surprised to find out being a parent. It could be about being pregnant, it could be about after the baby is born. It could be about older kids, babies…it could be something that you realized about your own parents now that you are a parent.. all I ask is that you do NOT hold back. I want the good, the bad and the ugly (hence you use the form so you don’t have to worry about judgment). I want all your stories about how you felt then and how you feel now even if you hated it before but love it now, I want ALL THE FEELS!! Continue reading