I Need Your Parent Stories!

Greetings reader!

I am posting this message to ask for help on a personal project. I would ask those of you who are willing to use the form below and tell me some things that you were surprised to find out being a parent. It could be about being pregnant, it could be about after the baby is born. It could be about older kids, babies…it could be something that you realized about your own parents now that you are a parent.. all I ask is that you do NOT hold back. I want the good, the bad and the ugly (hence you use the form so you don’t have to worry about judgment). I want all your stories about how you felt then and how you feel now even if you hated it before but love it now, I want ALL THE FEELS!!

I wanted to do a project like this because of my own struggles when I had my son with PPD and PPA. It feels very lonely when you are having some pretty crazy thoughts and feelings that no one prepared you for. We are used to this happy Hallmark idea of parenthood until we are a parent, then we realize it isn’t always smiley-happy-fun-times. If there is something you wished someone would have told you, something you wish you had support on and would like to offer support for that for someone else, if you just want to let other parents know that you made it out the other side and they can too…let me know.

But this isn’t just about the bad times, either. I want to hear your good stories, too. The times that made it all worthwhile can lift someone up as well.

This is for dads, moms, step-parents, and adoptive parents…tell me your story. Give me a memory. Give me a quote. Anything you want to share!

The plan is to compile them into a book about parenting and will attribute the stories/quotes accordingly (unless you want to be anon, then just let me know). I may have questions, let me know if I can contact you but don’t stress if you don’t want me to. I won’t be offended! Sit back, think on it a bit and tell me your story.

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Filed under Family, Fatherhood, Inspiration, Kids, Life, Motherhood, Pregnancy

Time to breathe.

My class this term is a writing workshop. This means I get to write stories and have other people tell me what is wrong with them. Last week was my first story to submit. I chose a character from a larger work I am writing. A character that is very important and real to me. I immediately regretted choosing a story to write about her. I had a tremendous amount of anxiety and struggled all last week to get the story written, cursing myself the entire time.

This character is a little like my baby, I don’t want people talking shit about her. It terrifies me that someone will ‘steal’ her and ruin her story and so I have kept her carefully locked away and only showing her story to my most trusted friends.

Submitting her story to complete strangers made me sick.

Physically, I was sick. I had a migraine leading up to submission, I didn’t eat last week. I really, really regretted choosing her! However, I think that I HAD to chose her. I think she was pissed (yes, she speaks to me) that I haven’t written about her for a while and she wanted to be in the spotlight once again.

The problem with this is that she has a lot to say. A lot. My assignment was less than 10 pages (6-8 were the limits) but the more I wrote the more pages kept on and on and on. At 8 pages I still hadn’t gotten to the climax of the story. I had to sit down with her and tell her that I have to cut this story and had her help me figure out what were the important parts. I managed a little over 9 pages for my draft that I submitted. I was sick at my stomach when I did it. I almost cried that night.

I just got my grade and first student critique today.

It wasn’t so bad. I do have to say some of the things the student critique had were a little nit-picky or didn’t make sense, yet I can appreciate that the person was probably like me and trying to find things to talk about (there had to be 2 to 3 comments per page) for their own grade.

My instructor offered good feedback, for once! Instructors I had before didn’t really offer anything helpful, so this was a pleasant surprise! I think I can take this feedback and rewrite some stuff to make the story better. I was able to actually breathe when I read the comments.

What does this mean for the future? I will still get sick when I submit anything. However, I don’t think  I will worry so much about it being bad. I think I may be able to write worthwhile stories after all.

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Filed under College, Life, School, Writing

It ain’t about you.

I find it funny how people want to be all up in someone else’s business. There are men giving out hateful cards on trains and subways to women they feel are too fat. There are people who say a mom breastfeeding her baby is offensive. There are people are are quick to judge others because of any number of random things that aren’t any of their business.

Don’t get me wrong. I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinion. However, I do take issue with the hypocrisy and just plain narcissism that most people express in regards to their fellow human beings especially when it comes to pregnant women.

Recently, I heard from a (newly pregnant) friend how she is being treated at work. She is unmarried but this baby is wanted, I believe, as she is nearing 40 and sees this as her last chance at kids. Some of her coworkers are saying she doesn’t even deserve to have a baby or be pregnant if she won’t quit smoking…nevermind the fact that she is and has cut down her smoking a great deal (these things are usually never cold turkey). I was just flabbergasted at the gall of these people. It isn’t about them and it isn’t any of their business.

Someone on my FB feed posted a meme promoting anti-choice slogans saying a women should have made a better choices before conceiving. You know, a lot of women in that situation didn’t have that first choice.

It’s these things that burn my biscuits the most. Why is a baby so important ONLY when it is in utero? Why do these people, who are bent on shaming women, only concerned for the UNborn babies?

Here is my thoughts on it.

It isn’t about the babies at all. It is about putting women in their place. Why do I think this way? Because these same people are quick to “punish” the women when the babies are born. They are quick to cut social programs to support women that have babies. They are quick to let a man off the hook for abuse of said babies because he was a “good man”. They are quick to look the other way when abuse happens because “she never should have had kids anyway” or “it’s her fault for being with him.

What about the babies? The kids? Do you not realize that while you are so fucking focused on making sure that woman is punished for not being what you think she should be, the kids are the ones suffering?

I give you this last thought.

When you support a woman fully to have her baby instead of an abortion, then offer her just as much support-monetary and emotional support-after the baby is born then you can have an opinion.

When you put the “good man” in prison for raping the child instead of letting him go free to rape other children-then you can have an opinion.

When you offer free childcare to the single mother so she can feel like she actually can be a mom right now-then you can have an opinion.

When you stop judging and start helping, when you stop punishing and start supporting…

When you really REALLY put the child first and put their best interests ahead of your own fucked up biases…then maybe you might be allowed an opinion.

Until then, it ain’t about you.

It doesn’t involve you.

It’s none of your business.

You are part of the problem, not the solution.


/end rant



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Filed under Family, Life