Mom’s Club - Updated
Congratulations! You found out your are pregnant or you just had a baby…now you are wondering what to do now. You see so many images of happy moms even when their kids are screaming with colic. All those smiling moms on magazines gives you a false sense of how motherhood should be…
Well, after two years of wondering “What The Hell Was I Thinking?!” I have decided to try to understand this motherhood experience.I have to agree with Jennifer of Playgroups are No Place for Children that no one really adequately prepares you for motherhood. They *try* to tell you, but in your mommy-to-be state you just don’t hear them. I had no CLUE what I was in for. Just because other already-mom-friends look happy and were out and about the next day didn’t mean that they WERE happy or really wanted to be out and about.
There is a secrecy in The Mom’s Club. We HAVE to look happy and act happy. You say “Oh no! I am fine! Little Johnny sleeps plenty for me to get rest!” when what you really mean is, “What the hell?! This is NOT what I signed up for! 15 mintues A DAY of sleep??? Who thought up THAT! Who said having a baby was a good idea?! THAT WAS FALSE ADVERTISING!” And if you don’t say that everything is great and fine, then other moms, family and people in general look down on you as if you are a bad mother for not enjoying being a mother. They shake their heads and “tsk tsk” behind your back at best and confront you and tell you that you are a bad mother at worst.
To my fellow moms, new recruits and veterans alike:
It IS ok to not love your baby at first sight! Trust me, they will grow on you as much as they grew in you. Give it time, the love will come!
It IS ok not to enjoy being a mom! Mothering is hard work! It is the most important role you will ever have in your life. It is an awesome responsibility. However, chances are just like the above statement, you will come to love it. There will always be times where all you want to do is throw up your hands and walk away, then there will be just as many times that you would never do anything else.
It IS ok to not be perfect (in the eyes of yourself or others)! There really is no instruction manual. What is right for one mom may not be right for you! Just as all children are different, all moms are different. If your child is happy and healthy…then you are perfect. You are a good mom.
Don’t let anyone intimidate you. Even your family. Let that lioness out of her den! YOU (and your spouse) are the only one that knows what is best for your child…make others compromise for YOU…you don’t compromise for THEM.
And always remember, never turn away your child’s hugs and kisses, even if you are angry at them for something. One day they won’t want to give them as freely, even if you need them the most.
Feel free to leave a story of your own below. Maybe it would help other moms to realize they are not alone.
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Recommended Reading
“The Mommy Myth
The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined Women”
by Susan J. Douglas & Meredith Michaels
Also, no one ever tells you “Your hormones may be a bit wonky after you have babies, so watch your chin for signs of mad hair growth.”
Great job… and my hormones are so out of wack after having the baby that I need happy pills..
Those that make us feel that we are so wrong for not wanting motherhood 100% of the time are either influenced by the “other side” or actually are the “other side” because they cannot do what we do. Even those that want to be like us and try to define femininity still cannot bleed like we do because we bleed in more ways than one. The problem is that we were women first. We are special because we are real…
Wonky! I love that word.
And, you’re right, they (our kids) won’t always want our hugs and kisses…I see the push (and pull) with my 9-year-old and it’s heartbreaking. I try to keep that in perspective when both my lovely daughters are making me ‘wonky’! ; )
No one ever tells you that you will learn to sleep sitting up, while nursing, while peeing, while eating, while feeding the other kids…just to get enough sleep to preserve your sanity.
How sad it is that you will be so sleep deprived, that your memory of that first precious year will forever be fuzzy like an old movie that you can’t quite remember all the details.
Oh, and why didn’t anyone tell me that my legs and ankles would swell like tree trunks right before giving birth and not recede until several weeks after? What the heck?!
Or, no one tells you how you will have to work even harder if your child needs extra help due to disabilities/disorders. Three hours of homework for a 1st grader that can’t concentrate does wonders to your nerves and patience!