Things That Bug Me
I called my MIL today to see if maybe she wanted to go to the pool with me and the kids. With Babyhead not wanting to stay in the shallow end (especially since he can’t swim) and Podling wanting to climb out of her baby float, I find it daunting to go by myself with both of them. In the process of the phone call she says that she was going to make a dr appointment for her back and she would get back to me about swimming. Ok, a Dr appt is more imporant anyway and I will manage if I decide to go by myself the the ‘chilens.
Then she askes me how the kids where and how I was. I made the comment I was a little tired because I had nightmares the night before and DH woke me up a few times last night getting up out of bed. We, then, started talking about DH’s softball games yesterday (he had a double header) and how I wish he would just not go to the second game on Thursday (because he has another double header). He hates it when he has 2 games and it always wears him out.
We say our goodbyes and I finish making mashed potato smiles for lunch for me and the kids…which by the way are awesome with sour cream. I sit down at my computer desk (because I have a small chance of one of the kids knocking my food over) and notice an email from DH.
In it he says he was sorry he kept me up all night.
I never told him he did.
That means that MIL called him right after I called her and asked if he was ok/what was wrong/said what I said.
What was just an off the wall comment she felt the need to turn around and tell him or otherwise mention it to him.
While I don’t expect her to keep all stuff that we talk about a secret, I sure don’t expect everything I say to get back to him. Sure it wasn’t a big deal…but that really isn’t the point. The point is, why she felt the need to do that? I know she has done it before…but what else have I confided her in that maybe I didn’t want him to know or wanted it to be a secret for a time before I told him did she turn around and mention?
I mean…if she had told me that FIL had kept her up all night I wouldn’t bother mentioning it to him at any time. It would never cross my mind to even if I talked to him right after.
Just when I think I can be friendly with my MIL…she has to screw it up like this somehow…
It's an Insane World Out There is written by a Stay at Home Mom with too much time on her hands. Sometimes she comes up with witty things to write, but most of the time it is mundane stories of every day life. Try to cut her some slack...she has very little adult conversation during the day.
Maybe you should test her by telling her something, and specifically telling her not to tell your husband. Then you will know just how much she can be trusted, or if she can be trusted at all.
Elf…I really can’t trust her. I mean…I can mostly trust she is going to keep the kids safe because she is a helicopter grandparent. Her psychosis is good in that way. But when it comes to trust with other things I can’t. Her philosophy is what you don’t know won’t hurt you. I experienced it first hand. My BIL, her older son, loaned DH his car some years ago so he could get back and forth to work. He didn’t need it as he was living with his now wife at the time and just used her car. MIL used the car for something and smoked cigarettes in it knowing that BIL said not to smoke in the car (he and DH are HIGHLY allergic to cig smoke hence they are not allowed to smoke in here and we go over there very rarely in the winter when we have to stay inside). I told her that BIL would be mad at her and she said that she would just vacuum it out and that he would never know. If you are allergic to cig smoke you know that vacuuming never fixes anything.
She also gets credit cards without my FIL knowing and then maxes them out. He actually found out about some a few years ago when they refinanced the house (to pay for Christmas!) only because the mortgage company did a credit check. When I was living there she would throw away our bills…not because she wanted us in trouble, but because she didn’t want us to worry over paying them. She would offer to mail our bills out and then “forget”.
I love her to death, and she would give us the shirt off her back…but she isn’t very trustworthy in a lot of respects.
Oh, my. I was originally thinking she was just an overprotective mother the way that I’m an overprotective mother, but just didn’t know when to keep her mouth shut. She doesn’t sound psychotic, but she does sound incredibly neurotic.
It’s strange that she seems so overprotective, but stops being even normally protective when it benefits her but physically harms her children (i.e., smoking in the car when she knows her son is allergic to cigarette smoke). For that reason, I’d guess she’s not really overprotective, but instead is simply responding to her own neuroses.
Could she have a fear of the mail, possibly acquired because she was running up debt that she knew she couldn’t pay? That’s a very real (but very unusual) neurosis, but sufferers can cover it up very well as long as their job does not involve opening and sending mail. It’s still quite disabling, however, and would explain a lot of what you described.
I suspect she has many other neuroses, however, based upon what you have described. She definitely needs to see a psychiatrist.
I don’t know, really. I know she is anorexic/bulimic. She rarely eats and when she does it is usually loaded in protein (like A scrambled egg). She also is addicted to laxatives and only drinks diet drinks or water. She won’t eat after 8 either because she read somewhere it makes you fat. She is about 100lbs wet and claims that she could still lose weight. She has taught my SIL all about it and now she is starting to show the same behavior. We have banned them from talking in front of the kids about their weight (their own or the kids).
My son is 40lbs but also 41 inches tall. He can still wear an 18m pair of shorts…they are hot pants on him, but they fit his waist. One day my SIL mentioned how “fat” he was getting because when he was sitting in her lap he was slumped and his belly kinda rolled over his pant waist.
She (MIL) was abused/neglected as a child so I know it stems from that. I think it is partially she wants to be the parent she never had, but because she never knew that kind of love when she was younger she doesn’t know how to give that kind of love to her kids. She wants to be in their lives 24/7 and actually got mad at us and didn’t speak to us for 2 weeks when we moved out of her house. She constantly badmouths my BIL’s wife and says she is stuck up and snotty because she won’t come to their house…but BIL’s wife is highly allergic to everything- smoke, cats, dust, you name it – and her (BIL’s wife) drs told her to stop going over there since it would make her sick for WEEKS. However she is convinced that BIL’s wife just doesn’t care about them and wants to take BIL away from them (they do live in Baltimore, but that is because that is where BIL could get a job as a professor at a university…).
She does need to see a psychiatrist…but she never will. What I can say is at least she is there for her kids and my kids, in spite of her faults. That is something I never could say about my own mother…
I dunno, I don’t really view those as faults, because that suggests a character flaw. It sounds to me like this lady has been struggling with mental illness for a very long time, and that’s something altogether different.
I find it very sad, since she seems to be miserable based upon your description, but I still understand completely why you were upset with what she did. I would be upset about that too.
my ex used to complain to his mom about me…and when i found out i thought it was a little disturbing. mothers and sons can have relationships that are just a little too close…
saying that i now have two grown sons and while the older one has told me things about his girlfriend i would never get involved in their relatonship. i try to stay neutral in my daughter’s relationship also…last year they went through a really tough patch and called off the wedding etc…but i would never say anything to him about what she told me he had said to her…and some of it was not very nice. if she can forgive hom so can i…
my brother always used to say~~~through 3 marriages and divorces~~~that you marry the person not the whole family. nice idea but completely untrue!!
so to make this so long but i know how it is to live closer to the IL’s than your own family…can be very difficult and lonely…big hugs!
I am pretty sure he doesn’t talk that much about me to her…he rarely talks to his mom because she is a little neurotic and “lives for her kids”. I mean that in the literal way. She told me the other day the only time she is happy is when she is with our son!! I may not seem a big deal reading it…but you would have to know her. She has some serious issues. Hell, she cut their food up until they were teenagers because she was afraid of them choking on it. They finally had to put their foot down and get their food before she could secretly get it for them and cut it up. It’s funny…but sad at the same time.
It is just frustrating that she is the closest thing to a mom I have and I can’t even trust her….I would just like to have a casual conversation with her without worrying she is going to go around spreading gossip or something. *sigh*
REMEMBER: You just gotta laugh!
You cannot control anyone but yourself. You GET to chose how to react to her!
It’s all in your control. I know it can be frustrating!
You have no idea how much I let slide. LOL It is usually after letting a ton of things go that I finally snap and just get sick of it…then I vent and feel better until it builds up again.
Yea, she is and I do think she has some mental issues…but like a lot of people she will never admit it and therefor never seek help. I try to be understanding but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t bit my butt sometimes. *sigh*